My Magical Launch
My Magical Launch
Depression is a sneaky business. She tacks on to an emotion – any emotions she chooses. It can be grief, loneliness, or boredom even, and then digs her dry, nasty talons in and hangs on for dear life until she chooses to dis-attach. It’s always her choice. She’s a control freak that way.
Shortly after Mommer passed, she found me, that crazy depression did. I tried hiding, but she still found me. She’s intuitive and sneaky and she seeks you out during your hardest times. She seems to quietly chuckle as she reigns you in.
One particular morning, while I was hiding from her in the shower, as I scrubbed my body and rinsed my hair, I clearly heard a name. “Dom.”
A little backstory here. Dom is a very old friend of mine. I don’t mean he’s old, but we’ve been friends for decades; albeit, we’re not ‘close’ any longer. Once upon a time, we tried to make a go of “it”, but “it” didn’t work out. We still remained friends.
When his name came to me in the shower, I thought for a split second, that’s strange. I haven’t thought of him in years! And I went about my merry morning.
It kept happening. I heard his name clearly as I dried my hair, as I dropped the kids off at school, as I drove to work. The single word “Dom” kept invading my mind. “Dom, Dom, Dom.” Over and over and over until I just couldn’t deny it anymore.
I relented and decided to drop him a Facebook Message. It was a hearty decision.
“Hey, Dom. Your name popped into my head this morning. Just thought I’d drop a text. How are you doing?”
Immediately I received a response: “Hey Brooke! Great to hear from you! Things are great. Living in NYC. How are you?”
In that question, I was presented with two options. I could participate in the mundane chit-chat that will lead to the ending of our conversation; I’m fine! Yeah, really, really great. Things are good! Or I could get real and speak my Truth. We hadn’t spoken, texted, or communicated in a very, very long time; but in partnership with his rebutted question, I realized there’s a reason his name popped into my head. This is not the time to play perky, or small, or stick inside of my undiagnosed depression by denying what I was really feeling.
I had recently lost my mom. My daughter was recently off to college. My marriage was struggling because of the weight of all situations. And Dom’s name popped in my head.
I saw the correlation; the breadcrumbs. It was time to be real.
I responded, “Well, actually Dom. Things are pretty shitty right now.”
Again, an immediate response, “I need you to get on Amazon and buy a book. Steering by Starlight by Martha Beck. It will change your life. It’s really weird. Read it, follow the activities, even if you don’t believe in them, and I promise you, your life will change. Message me when you receive the book.”
I did as I was told. I may be a hardheaded rebel but not when I recognize the wisdom of the Universe.
The book arrived the following day. I messaged Dom to let him know I had it. He asked me to share my experiences with him.
I don’t remember whether I did share with him my experiences or not, but I will say that my life shifted dramatically, immediately.
Shortly after I started reading/participating with the book, I found out that I had been unanimously “voted in to” a very exclusive book club. It’s exclusive because these women are cautious. All participants are strong, unique, driven, encouraging, and frankly not envious of one another. Each woman is able to hold her own, but in the kindest, most growth-oriented way possible. They are all go-getters, but they will only encourage you to do the same. They aren’t gossipy. They talk about the good things in life, alongside the struggles, without giving advice or shunning in any way. They know we are all on a path, and sometimes that path is solid and strong, and sometimes the path is curvy, bumpy, and undefined. The underlying feeling in this book club is Love.
They invited me to their November get-together. I was nervous and excited. I had heard rumors about this amazing book club, but I wasn’t familiar with their union. As I stepped in, I was welcomed with open arms. Immediately I felt like I had arrived home. It was that good.
We talked a bit about that month’s book. But mostly, we discussed our lives. What we were each moving toward, what we were struggling with, what things we were acting upon to create a better life. It was deep and heartfelt and absolutely lovely. It was what I had been waiting for my entire life.
Toward the end of our gathering, one of the women pulled out a flyer for the International Women’s Summit. On the flyer was a picture of Elizabeth Gilbert and Glennon Doyle-Melton.
Rewind. Elizabeth Gilbert is my soul crush. At that time, I had seen many of her speeches presented on YouTube videos. My soul crush on her is more than just her beautiful writing (my favorite books from her are Stern Men and Big Magic). She has the loveliest prose when writing fiction, and equally with non-fiction. She’s gentle and strong. Though her writing is what drew me to her, it was her speaking that kept me hooked. Every time I saw her in a video, I found myself in tears with longing. To see her in person had been my pipe dream for a very long time.
Repeatedly, I found myself in the same city Liz was speaking. One time in Denver, she had spoken the night before; another in California, she was speaking the evening I left. On and on, it was like this pull to her and then a disappointment. I had recently made a silent vow to myself, that if ever I have the opportunity to see her speak, I would drop everything to make that happen.
So when I saw Liz G’s photo on the top of this flyer, it was an immediate full-body-YES for me. I took a snapshot of the flyer and registered for the event that night. Never mind the cost (over $500); never mind the travel expenses (hotel, gas, food, etc.) as the event was in Phoenix, Arizona - a 9-hour drive from my front door; never mind the vacation time I’d need to accrue from work; never mind the time away from my family. I needed to go to this event, and nothing was going to stand in my way.
Meanwhile, I was still working through the activities in Steering by Starlight (It’s a toughy!). I believe wholeheartedly that Martha Beck’s magic started working on me before I even knew the book existed when I first heard the name “Dom”.
I attended the International Women’s Summit the following March and was mind-blown. Not only were the speakers incredible (Elizabeth Gilbert was absolutely spot on – all the speakers were!), but the connections made during the event with other women who were in attendance was equally incredible. Similar to the feeling I received when attending my first book club meeting, I felt like I had arrived home.
I understand that a lot of those feelings came from within myself and my willingness to reach out for these connections. Maybe it wasn’t even my willingness, but the necessity driven by the longing for these connections that drew me in. Either way, or both ways, I grabbed on because I have the ability to recognize when things are in flow. This is the Universal flow, the breadcrumbs. Universe only wants us to be happy.
My past self was reserved and quiet. I considered myself a “watcher” as I would watch from the outside and simply sit back, quietly. During the International Women’s Summit, it became clear to me very quickly that this was the time to participate. It’s time to open up and be real. Just like when I confided my truth to Dom in that text message, I’m not okay. I need help, now was the time for honesty and faith.
During one of the breakout sessions, with Heather McCloskey-Beck (I was drawn to the session because of her last name!), a woman seated behind me openly shared her story with the audience. I was inspired by her vulnerability and felt a requirement from within to talk with her after the session. It was like this wave of inspiration solidified a union between us, and I had to share with her my experience because it so clearly paralleled with hers. Throughout the rest of the session, I made notes about all the things I needed to say to her.
Now, hold up. This is not the ‘me’ that I’m used to. Like I said, I’m the quiet watcher. Who am I to infringe on someone else’s experience? And yet, I needed to talk with her.
Following Heather’s talk, I approached the woman and just barfed all of my notes onto her. She pulled out a piece of paper and started taking notes too. It was like something else was communicating to her through me. When inspired action takes over, who am I to deny being its tool? I was indeed a tool in that moment.
When I finished talking with her, another woman approached. The three of us found ourselves in a relatively deep, thirty-minute-long conversation. Upon conclusion, we exchanged business cards with a promise to connect beyond the IWS.
Following the event, and with communication as promised, I learned that the woman I reached out to was thriving at home. I received an email from the second woman about a retreat she was hosting on Maui. Get this, she’s a Martha Beck trained Life Coach. My immediate answer was YES, but I had no idea how to make it work, financially or otherwise
Here, I must rewind once more. You need to understand a bit of backstory in order for the magic to make sense, for indeed, recognizing and then choosing to follow the breadcrumb trail will lead to small and then large victories, like magic.
My best friend, Robbie, had recently moved back to Kaua’i. She was having a difficult time understanding the lessons that our oh-so-sweet-Universe was presenting to her. At the Summit, I had a chance to hear Marianne Williamson speak. She is a P.O.W.E.R.F.U.L. speaker. Just prior to the event, Robbie told me what a transformation Marianne’s book, A Return to Love, was having on her life.
Following Marianne’s talk, I stood in line to get an autograph for Robbie. However, I did not own Marianne’s book, and since Robbie already had a copy, it didn’t make sense to purchase another. I reached into my bag and found a small stack of notecards which I had purchased earlier from the hotel’s gift shop. I purchased these notecards so I could have something on hand if I was motivated to slip a note of kindness to someone during the event. As I thumbed through the stack of notecards to select the right one to hand over to Marianne Williamson for signing, I realized how incredibly cheesy they all were. One had a picture of a white unicorn leaping over a rainbow; another had a colorful flower blossoming in front of a cactus. The card I selected for Marianne’s signature had a picture of a white cat licking a rainbow snow cone. Having spent years in Hawaii, and knowing this signature was going to be sent to my bestie who currently resides on the island, I decided the snow cone notecard was the right choice; no matter how deplorable it actually was.
I approached Marianne Williamson and asked her to sign the notecard. As she reached out for the notecard, realizing what she was about to sign, she looked at me with mock surprise and a little bit of dread. I recognized this and did it anyway. All I could offer Marianne was a smile and a minor explanation for the notecard. She signed the card, snapped a picture with yours truly, and sent me on my way. I was happy.
I sent this notecard to Robbie a few weeks after my return home from the Summit. Keep in mind, please, that I had mentioned the Maui Retreat to her and was determined to get her to join me. It was a minor island hop for her, after all, and the price was very reasonable.
The notecard baring Marianne Williamson’s signature arrived the day before Robbie left Kaua’i to attend a family reunion also on Maui. As of that time, Robbie was saying no to the retreat – for reasons I didn’t understand. I kept trying to persuade her to join me, and she kept saying no. She received the card and thanked me. We laughed hysterically as I shared with Robbie the situation under which Marianne signed the white cat, rainbow, snow cone notecard.
While Robbie was walking in Lahaina on Maui with her family the day after receiving the card in the mail, she turned the corner and there was a mural. An extraordinarily large mural with the same picture of the white cat licking the rainbow snow cone.
Robbie also knows to follow the trail of breadcrumbs and recognized the serendipity. She texted me immediately, “I’ll sign up for the retreat as soon as I get home.”
I can go on about how following these breadcrumbs have directed me to where I am now. I could share with you miracle upon miracle and you would be blown away.
I learned through Martha Beck’s work to recognize the breadcrumbs which come from our intuitions. I learned to follow my heart (not my mind) which is recognized through feelings of joy to guide me in every second. There is no dumbing down. There is no hiding away. When an opportunity presents itself, I leap because I have learned to recognize there is a reason behind those golden nugget breadcrumbs.
The voice repeating Dom in my head, the instinct to listen to Dom and purchase Steering by Starlight, the recognition to complete the exercises in Steering by Starlight no matter how woo-woo they seemed to be, the timing of and the acceptance into my magical book club, the flyer presented during that first book club which offered a chance to see Liz G. speak, the willingness to confront a stranger and be the conduit for a message to her that was greater than me, and the connection that lead to the retreat on Maui with my best friend and a Martha Beck coach has been only the beginning.
The breadcrumbs have continued, and they have lead me to my highest joy. I’m in awe every day over what I’m directed to follow. It’s as if the Universe presents an idea, and as long as I’m willing to see that as an opportunity and as long as I act on that idea, I am answered with a YES. Even when it sounds like a no; the next thing I know, Universe has created an opportunity for that thing to work out even better. Every time I take an action step toward my joy, Universe sends a rush of support. I don’t even know where it comes from. Things just appear, like magic, by taking those little hearty steps. One by one, every moment.
My life changed the moment I heard the name Dom.
I recognized the call and followed the breadcrumbs that came from feeling the truth of my heart.
My life has never been the same – it is Magical. (Just ask my friends.)
So tell me, are you listening to your own heart’s joy?
Allow it to guide you.
It knows the way.
Comments
Post a Comment